


you made us proud

by phloridas



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Phan, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, and he deserves all the love in the world, because i'm just really freaking proud of dan for that trailer, but kinda related, interactive introverts, not actually a tour fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 04:43:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15065384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phloridas/pseuds/phloridas
Summary: It's 2009. Dan's fed up of feeling unappreciated for videos he pours everything into and ready to call it quits.Little does he know what the next nine years will bring...





	you made us proud

“Hey, Phil?”

Dan sighed, pulling his laptop up over his chest. So what if Phil had a close-up view of the insides of his nostrils now? At least the bottom provided some much-needed warmth for his bare chest.

“Yeah?”

“Do you…” Dan sighed again. The words had built a fortress inside his chest and it took a couple deep breaths to nudge it aside.

“Do you think anyone would care if I just...stopped making videos? I mean, it’s been almost three weeks and nobody’s asked me about what I’m working on next. Or even said much of anything about my other videos. I just feel like I’m throwing these things out into the void and nobody really gives a shit. It’s just...hard, you know?”

“Dan?” Phil’s voice was softer this time, strained just beneath the surface in a way that Dan could now detect held a pain that ran far deeper than Phil was letting on. Maybe Dan should have been proud of himself for being able to notice that but now, all he could do was sigh again and shift his laptop so Phil could get a better glimpse of his face. Not that there was much to show him besides despair and misery.

But this was what Phil signed up for when he sent that first DM five months ago, isn’t it?

“Dan, you’re _really_ asking if anyone would care if you stopped making videos?” Phil’s hurt was loud and clear now. “I’d care. You know I’d care. I love your videos, Dan. I love that extra glimpse of your face and the gentleness of your voice, and—“

Dan didn’t want to interrupt, but something forced the words out anyway. “Yeah, but you can get all that here, now, on Skype. And when I see you again in a couple weeks.”

Phil bit his lip, eyes flicking down to his keyboard. Dan knew that look. If the entire week they were planning together wasn’t so far away, he might have shared Phil’s flash of a smile, if only for a second. As it was, another wave crashed so hard over him that it took everything in Dan to force his focus onto the computer screen.

“I mean…” Now it was Phil’s turn to sigh. “Of course I do, and you know how much I appreciate that. But there’s something _more_ in your videos, Dan. So much more. Maybe it’s because I know how much time goes into them, but that just makes them more special. You inject so much of yourself in those videos, share a little bit of the Dan I know with the rest of the world. Your passion always bleeds through, and...and honestly? It’s inspiring for me too.”

“R--really?” Something flickered to life in the back of Dan’s mind. It was dim, sure, but it was there.

“Are you kidding me, Dan? Of _course!_ ” Phil’s eyes were so wide Dan could probably count every colour in them if Phil’s webcam wasn’t so shit. “You reminded me why I fell in love with YouTube in the first place. Actually...I wanna tell you something. But I--well, I’ve never told anyone before. I think it can help you, though.” Dan couldn’t see Phil’s hands, but he was sure they were clasped tight, Phil’s right thumb running over and over his left the way it does when he’s feeling vulnerable.

The way it did on the wheel last month. (Was that really a whole month ago?)

It took a moment for Dan to speak. When he finally did, his voice was flat and distant even to his own ears. But could Dan help that?

“I...sure, hit me with it, Phil.”

Something dimmed in Phil’s eyes at Dan’s tone, but he plowed on. “Well. You know how people comment some really horrible things on my videos but I try not to let it get to me because these are random strangers who don’t know the first thing about me?”

Dan nodded.

“So, it...it’s not always that easy. You know this, at least a little. But back in July, when I posted that ‘Dog vs Lobster’ thing, that entry for the HP contest…”

“Yeah?”

“Well, I...god, this is still a fresh wound, I guess.” Phil laughed, but it was hollow. (Or maybe that was just Dan’s crappy speakers.) “But anyway, you know that video had some really nasty comments on it.”

“...yeah?”

“Maybe this is stupid, I don’t know, but I was having a really rough day. Mostly just my parents asking me for the eight millionth time what I had planned when I finished school and me freaking out about it. I couldn’t really tell you, or anyone, since I didn’t wanna burden you with something I shouldn’t have been worrying about anyway. And I swear to you, Dan, I was ready to give up YouTube right then and there. It definitely wasn’t the first time, either.”

“Phil…” The weight of his words hit Dan’s stomach like an anvil. More than anything, he wanted to rip the truth from Phil’s eyes. _No. Phil’s not allowed to feel that way._

“I know, I know,” Phil said. “I have no idea if you were psychic or the universe just wanted to send me some kind of sign that it’ll all be alright, that things will work out, but...then you posted that comment. You said I deserved to win. And that meant more to me than any other comment I’ve gotten on any video, ever.”

Not for the first time with Phil, Dan was struck speechless. He...his four little words meant that much to Phil? But Dan was just...Dan. Even after they’d been exchanging daily messages for a solid month, Dan still had no idea where his place was in Phil’s life then. He just wanted to give Phil his honest opinion.

Yeah, there were a lot of assholes in those comments, but Dan wasn’t the only ray of sunshine in there. To know he was the brightest, though? That was...wow.

Dan must have shaken his head or something because Phil insisted, “I’m serious! You remember how I asked you just what you saw in that video and you said you saw _me._ All the best parts, even the parts you were just finding out for the first time. That’s what I see in every one of _your_ videos. You think nobody would care if you stopped making them? Well, _I’d_ care. I’d care a lot.”

“You’re sure about that? Wouldn’t you just get over it like everybody else?”

“ _Dan._ Are you kidding me? Your videos are what make me want to keep creating,” Phil said. “And besides, you’re just starting out. If you quit now, you’ll never know what amazing things you could do. I know you have a lot to say, and I want to hear you say it. I wanna hear whatever you have to say, Dan. And I guarantee someday I won’t be the only one to think that.”

Finally, a bit of that ever-pressing weight fluttered off Dan’s chest. Maybe he could only offer a ghost of a smile, but even that was enough to switch on a soft glow behind Phil’s eyes.

And that was all the encouragement Dan needed.

“Thank you, Phil,” Dan said, meaning every word. “Maybe I will take another look at some of those ideas tomorrow. I wanna hug you so bad right now.”

Phil pouted for a second, then drew his bare arms closer to the webcam so it was pressed to his chest and Dan could only see about three pixels of smooth, luminescent skin. “Virtual hug,” Phil murmured, his voice far away but still clear as ever to Dan, who rolled his eyes and hugged his own webcam.

It may have only been hard plastic smushed against his chest, but if he closed his eyes and breathed in deep, he could pretend he was back in Phil’s room. And right then, that was enough to tell Dan that things would be alright.

Maybe not that night. Maybe not that week. But one day.

Maybe he could do something with this YouTube thing after all.

 

\--

“Daaaaaaan!”

“Phil, you don’t have to shout. I’m literally right here.”

“Oh really?” Phil giggles. “You’re not too deep in your uploading trance, then?”

Dan shifts his laptop a little to get a better view of Phil sprawled over the chair across from him, blinking a little at the dim lights of their lounge. “For your information--” he starts, but Phil cuts him off with a soft smile.

“Mmmm, for _your_ information, Daniel, you never said what you wanted for dessert. Were we still gonna go with brownies, or do you wanna break out the champagne and ice cream instead?”

“Oh. Yeah. Ummmm….”

Now this was a big decision. Ice cream and champagne is always their go-to celebration dessert, but _brownies._ Dan’s been craving those since they touched down in London. Maybe before, but Sweden already feels like a blur now.

“Dan, babe, it’s fine,” Phil says. “I just wanna get the order in before the video’s up, especially since it’s so short. We can break tradition and do brownies if that’s what you really want.”

That’s a lot coming from Phil. It actually settles a bit of the tap-tap-tapping that’s started up in Dan’s chest. That helps more than Dan could have imagined.

“Alright, yeah. Brownies do sound good, I think,” Dan says slowly, giving himself the chance to back out if he needs to. Amazingly, he doesn’t.

“Yay!!” Phil claps his hands, then says, a bit softer, “Hey, Dan?”

“Hmmmm?”

“You know that trailer is the best thing I’ve ever seen, right? And I guarantee a lot of people are going to feel the same way.”

Something shifts in Dan’s chest then, laying his fluttering heart to rest, if only for a second. “You’re...you’re sure about that, Phil? You don’t know what some of these people have seen, what they have to compare it to…”

“ _Dan._ But you know what I’ve seen, what I can compare it to. And you know I wouldn’t give you anything but my fully honest opinion,” Phil insists, his eyes wide. “That trailer blew me away from the first version, and every version after that. I can already tell it’s going to be so important to a lot of people. Like, a _lot_ a lot.”

“You think?” Not for the first time, Dan feels his lips curl into a smile as a flood of happy comments washes over his imagination. But could anyone have as much love for this project as Dan himself?

“You’re sure this tour wasn’t...a mistake or anything? It doesn’t look like a big cash grab, especially when it’s so soon after the first tour?”

“Dan, hon, no. No, no no.” Phil shakes his head so emphatically he ends up pushing himself out of his seat and crossing over to the sofa. He takes Dan’s hand in such an iron grip that Dan’s pulled into his gaze. Just the downward curl of his lips is ripping Dan open, but there’s a flame flickering behind his eyes that brings Dan back to those moments of intoxicating euphoria just before they burst onto the stage.

“You’ve seen how happy everyone is to see us. For some of these people, this show means the world to them. _You and I_ mean the world to them. I know it’s hard to believe, but you’ve read their letters. You are enough, Dan. No matter what anyone says.”

Throughout his speech, Phil runs his thumb over and over the back of Dan’s hand, punctuating his words so that they crawl deep in his heart and spread like honey through his veins. Is Dan really enough? Could the rest of this tour really be enough?

Well, there’s only one way to find out…

With a quick peck behind the ear and a soft “Thank you,” Dan slips a hand out to revive his dimming laptop screen and opens YouTube. Even from the corner of his eye, Dan can tell Phil’s smile is brighter than the Amsterdam sun that Dan still misses now, just a little.

Even with the massive file size, the video takes no time at all to process compared to some of their gaming monstrosities. He takes Phil’s hand again when, minutes before 11, Dan clicks “Publish” with a bone-crushing squeeze to match the squeezing of his heart right then.

Dan scrambles to post the Twitter link, then the Tumblr one, before finally leaning back into the cushions with a shaky sigh. “It’s...it’s up. We did it, Phil.”

“No, _you_ did it, Dan. All I did was order some celebration brownies.”

“Shut up, you’re just as much a part of this as I am.” Dan shoves Phil just as the doorbell rings, his heart tip-tapping a mile a minute.

“Mmmmm, perfect timing!” Phil grins, jumping up and pressing a kiss to Dan’s hair right where the curls start. It lingers just long enough to send Dan trickling back down to earth before he sucks in a breath and goes to refresh the comments.

When Phil returns, it’s to a Dan just seconds away from spilling over with tears. Phil immediately drops the pastry boxes on the glass table and rushes over, even though he doesn’t need to. The warmth lighting Dan up from the inside is enough to power the entirety of London.

That doesn’t mean Phil’s all-consuming hug is anything less than the most wonderful thing on the planet, though.

“Told you they’d love it,” Phil murmurs before pulling away just far enough to take a look at the MacBook screen for himself. Dan just rolls his eyes and pulls Phil closer until there’s no space between them. Of course the tears return the second Dan catches a glimpse of the light and softness emanating from Phil’s smile.

It’s alright, though. More than alright.

They scroll through the comments on both YouTube and Twitter for a while, soft gasps punctuating the air when they find a particularly sweet message. Through it all, the bursting feeling never leaves Dan’s chest. And if Phil constantly tapping all over Dan is anything to go by, he feels it too. Maybe even more.

But how is that possible when Dan feels like he could explode at any moment?

“So,” Phil says after a while, once they’ve cracked open the pastry boxes and the first bite of gooey brownie melts onto Dan’s tongue, “are you glad you stuck with YouTube now?”

Dan almost chokes on his brownie. _God._ How long ago was that?

(Of course that Skype call wasn’t the only time he felt that way. But at least Phil was always there to talk him off the edge. Dan can’t imagine what he’d do without that, truthfully.)

“Shit,” Dan laughs, “I guess some people did like those videos after all. And you know, I _did_ get better. Fancy that, huh?”

Maybe not everyone’s going to love, or even watch, everything he makes. Maybe people won’t always tell him if they enjoyed something of his. And yeah, that _hurts_ when he puts so much of himself in everything he does.

But screw it, Dan’s _proud_ of his shit. So is Phil.

Does he really need anything more than that?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! You can find me over at [Twitter](http://twitter.com/phloridas) (where I'm starting to become a lot more active!) and [Tumblr](http://phloridas.tumblr.com) @phloridas, and reblog [here](http://phloridas.tumblr.com/post/175288463536/fic-you-made-us-proud) if you'd like! And CONGRATULATIONS to Dan and Phil for completing the UK and European legs of their tour and starting the American leg! I know this is a little late but honestly, I'm still blown away by that trailer and Dan has every right to be proud of it. Looks like those editing tips worked out in the end after all ;) <3


End file.
